Gene Hikes the Appalachian Trail

Tag: running

  • Why I Run

    Being into running is a lot like going to Harvard or being from Texas. You never have to ask somebody if they are any one of those things. They will make sure you know pretty much as soon as you get introduced to them. I feel like every self-indulgent asshat that runs has some profound story about how they got into it. I am no different.

    There were two specific moments that made me into a runner. The first one got me into running to begin with. The second one made me pursue distance running, by which I mean going beyond 10k races and ultimately running a marathon.

    The first instance was in May 2001. I was living in southern California at the time, which I did for a little over a year. Looking back, I feel like that year was definitely the worst one of my life.

    In my teens, my mother had quite a few physical and mental health issues which caused her and my dad to become estranged. They got back together and moved to a suburb of Los Angeles in 1996 but her overall health did not significantly improve. In 2000 I decided it would be a great idea to quit my job in Boston and move to California to help out. In my head I figured I’d move in with the folks for a couple months, get a nice job, and move into my own place somewhere close to them. The reality was nowhere near that.

    I left a pretty sweet job at Monsanto where I extracted DNA from plants all day. That was the whole job. Show up at 8am and cut leaves off plants. Grind them up with mortar and pestle, then breakdown the plant material and go to town on them with Qiagen kits. At around 3:45pm take all the different Eppendorfs full of DNA to the spectrophotometer and record the concentration in ΞΌg/mL. Easy peasy. My dumbass figured I could find another job like this someplace in Los Angeles.

    Truth was Los Angeles had basically zero biotech, and I wasn’t qualified to do much else. I couldn’t find a job quickly and a couple months became several months. I wallowed on the floor of my parents’ place and grew to resent them for no reason. They never told me to quit my job and move across the country, but if I didn’t blame them for my predicament then I would have to blame myself. This did irreparable harm to my relationship with my folks that never got undone. My mom and I only spoke about twice a year until she died in 2018. My father and I have barely spoken since her funeral.

    Being in this mental state obviously affected my physical state. I never really got fat but I got “skinny fat”. Not really doing anything just made me a doughy, pudgy, weak person. So that is where I was at come May 2001.

    Despite how horrible living in L.A. was, I did have two good friends from college who also lived out there. One of them was the poster boy for jocks. If they were casting Stan Gable from my stable of friends, this guy would be it. Tall, good looking, great at every sport the moment he picked it up. A Chad before the term Chad existed. To protect his identity, I’ll refer to him as Chad from here on out. The only joy I had in my life was when I would go to their place on the beach and get black out drunk. On Memorial Day weekend a mutual friend of ours from college came to Cali to hang out for the long weekend.

    The friend who was visiting was always our “fat friend”. He was the jolly, lovable dude with the big love handles on the side. I’ll call him Albert for the duration of this post. Well, since college he had been working hard on himself and lost the weight. He was looking svelte and trim and we were all genuinely happy for him. We did lots of partying and reminiscing on or near Hermosa Beach that weekend. Albert, Chad, and I went to a local park to play some basketball in between bouts of heavy drinking.

    So the three of us decide to play some 21 (which is like 1-v-1-v-1 basketball, first person to 21 wins). Chad obviously wins, but Albert and I keep it respectable. Something like 21-19-18. We decide to play again. This time the scores were 21-18 … to 6. Guess who was the 6?

    Early in that second game my everything gave out. Fuel level dropped to zero. My lungs were burning and my legs felt like they weighed 500 pounds. I could barely move and thought for sure I was seconds away from having a stroke or catching fire. After the second game I had to beg out and sit on the sidelines while Albert and Chad continued playing one-on-one.

    You know how they say you never remember the exact details of the most important moments of your life, but you never forget how you felt? Well, I don’t remember anything about who actually won that game or any of the particulars that happened. But I remember every single emotion that went through my head sitting there sucking down Gatorades and watching my “fat friend” and my “jock friend” living a life that was entirely beyond me. Shame, disgust, powerlessness, depression. I swore I would do everything in my power to change this.

    The very next day I started running. The first day I went about a half mile before I had to stop and walk back home. The next day I went a little farther. And the next, and the next, and the next. Soon I improved enough to get all the way to a local track over a mile away. Then before I knew it I could go to the track, do some laps, and then make it back home. I decided to sign up for a 5k in July. I ran that in about thirty minutes and then signed up for a 10k in August. That was around 57 minutes. Both were PRs at the time.

    My friends were nothing but supportive as I started running. Chad even gave me a $20 gift card for fogdog.com. For those of us who remember fogdog, it might be time to take our rheumatism medicine. They were an online sporting goods store in the late 90s dot-com boom when simply adding “.com” to your name made your stock price triple. Dot-com then was basically what AI is now.

    In September I moved back to Boston and continued on with my life. I got a job and my own place like an actual adult. Running stayed a significant part of my fitness routine and I still ran the occasional road race (shoutout to the Somerville 5K and Gobble Gobble Gobble). I pretty much stayed around 3-5 miles a day until the second specific moment.

    Fast forward to summer 2008. My Army Reserve unit got put on orders in Boston to prepare for an imminent mobilization. To say we were excited would be an understatement. We trained in and around Boston, and went on extended trips to Fort Hunter-Liggett and Fort Irwin. Everything was trending towards the mobe into autumn. Then all of a suddenly the mobilization got cancelled right before Thanksgiving. They didn’t need us to win the war after all.

    This was devastating for most of us. Lots of folks in my unit worked for small local companies that did not have enough employees to qualify for USERRA protection. I was working for a start-up with 4 employees so I also became unemployed just before the holidays.

    The holidays are my worst time for binge eating. Even when everything is going great for me, it is really tough to avoid a few extra pounds. This particular year a few pounds turned into a lot of pounds. I sat around at home and ate and felt depressed. I felt ashamed and embarrassed having to explain to my friends and family that I was staying in the continental US. Like I was scared they would think I had lied about the whole thing.

    I did not realize how bad I let everything get until I got chosen to attend Basic Non-Commissioned Officer Course (BNCOC, pronounced “bee-knock”) in February 2009. I had to do a preparatory physical fitness test in Boston and, while I passed everything, the numbers were down from my usual. Then when I got to Fort Dix for BNCOC I was over the limit on my weigh-in. Fortunately I made the body fat tape test on the number. I literally was at the highest body fat you could possibly be and still be able to complete the course.

    Once I graduated and got back home I knew I needed to do something to get my waistline and life back under control. I figured I could do worse than turning to running to achieve that again. This time I wanted to up the ante and decided to sign up for the Army Ten Miler in October.

    Army Ten Miler was a great experience, but my run that day made me feel like I left a lot of meat on the bone. I really tired out after about mile 8 and slogged my way to the finish. Once I got home I knew I needed to completely remake my stride if I wanted to do longer runs. And I wanted to do longer runs.

    In the winter of 2009-2010 I totally broke down my running style and became the most biomechanically efficient version of myself. In May 2010 I ran the Providence Half Marathon and then in October 2010 I did the Marine Corps Marathon. For me, running a marathon is a binary experience. Once you do one you never need to do another. That said, I continued distance running recreationally and have done several half marathons and ten milers since, but nothing that long since 2022.

    Running helped me improve my life and physical fitness. It is not a panacea. I am a firm believer that the most important workout you do everyday is in your kitchen. If you want to run to lose weight, be prepared to put in way more effort preparing meals than pounding pavement.

    When I ran the marathon I could look at a piece of chicken breast from the other side of a room and tell you everything there was to know about its calories and macronutrient content. I weighed 142 pounds on race day and felt like a strong crosswind would legitimately knock me over. That sort of shit isn’t for everybody and I never want to be that small again.

    I know a lot of people run for mental health reasons. More power to them. I have never used running for that. Lots of people talk about getting the “runner’s high”, but not me. The only time I feel joy about my run is as soon as I finish because I know it is the longest possible time until I need to run again. If I knew of something else that could give me the same aerobic and endurance benefits, with the advantage that it can be done anywhere, I’d switch as fast as possible. Pun intended.

    But anyway, those are the reasons why this self-indulgent asshat runs. Yours might be similar or they might be different. I’m certain whatever they are, they are just as important to you as mine are to me.

    Not the author. Photo by Nicolas Hoizey on Unsplash

  • 2 Churning 2 Burning

    I finally decided to try the viral running trend again. You know, the one where you run with a bag of cream and churn it into butter. Last time it did not work out very well at all. As promised, this time I made a few changes based on my previous result.

    First, and most importantly, I got heavy cream that was free from preservatives and was low temp pasteurized instead of ultra-pasteurized. This was the most significant and expensive change I made. I bought this boutique stuff called Mill King Heavy Whipping Cream from Central Market. It cost an angina inducing $6.79 for one pint. That comes out to $54.32 per gallon.

    And what exactly is all that money I’m spending for? The only ingredient in this stuff is literally just cow’s cream.

    Last time, I got burned by preservatives like polysorbate 80. This stuff has none of that at all. It doesn’t make sense that not adding things to a product makes it cost so much more. For $50 a gallon I’d expect this to contain Love Potion No. 9, Invigaron, and Compound V.

    This is like when you go to the modern gym with rows of treadmills and ellipticals everywhere and membership is $10 a month. Then you see another place that looks like some rando’s garage with rusty dumbbells in a corner and everything looks like it smells like ball sweat, and the price is $75 a week.

    In addition to the change of cream I made lots of other changes. As you can tell from the amount of sweat on the bottle in the pics above, I left the cream out for about an hour to get close to room temp before heading out. I also ran 6.5 miles instead of 6 although my route was still entirely sidewalks and improved roads. I also added about 1/8 tsp of salt to the cream. Same as last time, I poured the cream into a double bag and put the bag in my hydration carrier and took off.

    When I got back I knew instantly that I had a different result than before. Last time there was no real separation but this time there was a definite fatty residue all over the bag with a liquid phase all around it. A picture of the inside of the bag will show you what I mean.

    I stuck a finger in there and scooped some up and it definitely tasted like butter. This means I got farther than I got last time. The next step from here is to scoop out your butter and dunk it in ice cold water. This helps wash out any buttermilk that is trapped in your butter (which can make it go bad faster). You put the butter into a giant bowl of ice water and knead it a little so the butter clumps together and everything that isn’t butter rinses out.

    A picture of this would show you what I mean. If I had one. Let me say that scooping freshly made room temperature butter from a ziploc bag into a bowl of ice water is one of the messiest things I’ve ever done in my life. I instantly wound up with butter all over my forearms and the kitchen counter and everything. And warm butter does not simply wash off your hands. It just smears around all over the place. The last thing I was going to do was grab my phone to take a picture of this horrible mess. If you ever try making your own butter, make sure you have at least two sets of hands to help with this step and the inevitable clean-up.

    Eventually, after many hand washes and towelings off, I got the butter fully rinsed. I formed it into a ball and placed it onto a saucer.

    Eyeballing it, this made a total of about 3 or 4 ounces of butter. The only thing left was the taste test. A couple dabs on some toast and washed down with a Powerade.

    OK, not to sound immodest or anything but it tasted great. It tasted like you imagine the homemade butter you will one day make with your own two hands will taste. Rich, creamery butter taste and mouthfeel.

    Finally, the ultimate question to answer: was this whole thing worth it? Fuck no! Between the two tries I spent $9.75 on cream, ran 12.5 miles, and completely turfed my kitchen. And for what? Four ounces of butter? What a fucking joke. I guess I have the memes and the friends I met along the way, but the juice is not worth the squeeze as they say. I hope the next viral trend involves sitting on the couch reading sci-fi short stories.

  • Around ACC Highland

    As those of you who are frequent readers of this blog already know (both of you), I am a proponent and aficionado of free, public, outdoor fitness areas. I cannot pass up an opportunity to highlight the area around ACC Highland because it not only includes two such locations but also a short trail that dovetails into a longer trail for anyone interested. There is a lot in the area for anyone looking for a nice quick workout or hike during a lunch break or lazy weekend morning.

    ACC Highland is one of the campuses of Austin Community College. This particular one is housed in what used to be Highland Mall. The region used to be one of the higher parts of the city so there are a lot of place and street names that play on it. Crestview neighborhood, Twin Crest and Eastcrest Drives nearby. Highland Mall opened in 1971 and served the community for over forty years before closing in 2015. From there the building was scooped up by ACC and transformed into the shiny collegiate location of today.

    With as overwhelmingly hot as it gets in Austin pretty much all the time between March and November, you really need to fumble the bag to screw up an air conditioned, indoor shopping mall. That place should have printed money forever and ever.

    Shockingly, racism was one of the big reasons it failed. Highland Mall was in a … what’s the euphemism … “racially diverse” part of Austin and somehow hated the fact that people other than rich whites wanted to shop there. During the Texas Relays (a yearly event around Easter that brings together the best amateur and professional track and field athletes in the state) even more, uh … “urban” youth wanted to shop there. And the pearl clutching began in earnest. Highland Mall faded into irrelevance years before the doors closed for good.

    ACC Highland is shiny and new and all that stuff. A different kind of blog would continue to talk about how great the interior looks and all the wonderful things you can do there. This is not that kind of blog; we are staying outside.

    We begin on campus about a block from Airport Boulevard at the corner of Highland Mall Boulevard and Highland Campus Drive. So named in case you ever happen to forget that you are near ACC Highland for some reason. Here in front of a new apartment building complex is the first outdoor fitness station. This one is robust and includes pullup bars, step platforms of varying heights, dip station, pushup bar, an ab exercise spot, and a lower back extension. I can also proudly report that the water fountain works as well.

    If you are looking for something else to do at this location instead of workout, there is also an outdoor ping pong table. Unlock your inner Marty Supreme if you dare to bring paddles and a ball.

    A couple blocks east along Highland Mall Blvd you’ll reach the beginning of the 1.25 mile Highland Trail. It goes roughly along the perimeter of the ACC Highland footprint. It goes along behind some buildings and passes by a large and open parking lot.

    The parking lot looks like it would be a great place to get sprinting work in. I used to do a lot of sprinting way back before I became old and decrepit. My go-to sprint workout didn’t have a cool name but it always got me tuckered out. All you need to do it is a large open spot (like a parking lot or soccer field) and a way to roughly measure off distances. Go as hard as you can and try not to rest more than a couple minutes between any two sprints.

    • 1/4 to 1/2 mile warmup
    • ten 100-yard sprints
    • eight 80-yard sprints
    • six 60-yard sprints
    • four 40-yard sprints
    • 1/4 to 1/2 mile cooldown

    Just past the parking lot is the second outdoor fitness station. This one is older and has fewer spots in which to workout. It has some pullup bars and pushup bars with a couple of inclined benches for abdominal work. The water fountain here works too. However, I also need to mention that there is zero shade over either fitness area so don’t even think about using them this time of year except for right after dawn or before sunset.

    Highland Trail continues behind another apartment complex (you see, nothing gets built in Austin except apartment buildings and things owned by Elon Musk and the occasional restaurant) and meets up with the Red Line Parkway along Airport Boulevard. The Red Line Parkway is still in development but it is hoped to ultimately become a 32 mile stretch going all the way from Leander to downtown Austin. Anyone in the local area that is interested in hearing more should come to the State of the Parkway presentation at the Central Library on August 26th. Tell them Gene sent you.

    Eventually you come upon Fontaine Plaza on Airport. It is like a super miniature version of Central Park. The plaza and the street that runs next to it are both named for Jacob Fontaine. He was a former slave who became an influential pastor, merchant, and journalist in Austin during Reconstruction. He also played a large part in helping to get UT established in Austin. Hook ’em.

    Those purple poles on the plaza are part of a light art project that is supposed to resemble bats in flight. I should mention here for those of you that are unaware, ACC teams are called the Riverbats in honor of the bats that live downtown.

    From Fontaine Plaza you can walk a short distance back to the first fitness station or complete the 1.25 mile loop of Highland Trail. Like I said at the start, this is a great area to kill an hour or so and get a good sweat on. You really don’t need to bring anything with you except a desire to explore. And your house keys, don’t forget those or you’ll have trouble getting inside when you get home.

  • Churning And Burning

    By this point, there is a good to great chance you have seen one of the viral TikTok videos about making butter while you run. There are quite a few out there by now, but I believe this one here is the O.G.

    @momcallsmebirdy

    Churn🧈 and burn πŸ”₯ baby!!! We woke up yesterday and wondered β€œcan you churn butter and run at the same time?” Well, there you have it! Is this an original experience asking for a friend. #churningbutter #farmlife #runningwhilemakingbutter #trailrunning

    ♬ suara asli – Gado-Gado Semesta (Gagas) – Visnarey

    The science behind why this should work is fairly simple. Milk is an emulsion of fats in water. Since fats and water are famous for not getting along well, it is easy to agitate the mixture enough to separate the fat from the water. The up-down and side-to-side motion of running a good distance can be used to do just that. Pour some heavy cream into a bag. Run long enough to agitate the bag sufficiently. Separate the fatty part (butter) from the watery part (buttermilk). Profit.

    With that in mind I bought some heavy whipping cream from Walmart.This shit cost me $2.96 for a pint. That comes out to $23.68 for a gallon. With prices like that I’m surprised no one is blocking a strait or something to control the supply.

    I poured the cream into a one-gallon storage bag and then put that bag into another bag. Got to double bag it to prevent any little accidents from running around nine months from now. No salt added to the bag because I prefer unsalted butter. If you disagree, you can add 1/4 to 1/2 tsp of salt either at this step or after the run.

    Me trying so hard not to make the obvious jokes about filling a bag with my delicious cream.

    I slipped that bag into the back of my hydration carrier and took off. I went for a six mile jaunt around town. Once I got back I checked out the results of my exertion.

    It is tough to tell from the picture, but my results were less than stellar. What I found was something definitely solid, but not very solid. There also was essentially no separation and no liquid phase. Whatever I had made was not cream anymore, but was also not butter. I scooped it into an 8 oz container and pondered what had transpired.

    This looks like whipped cream instead of butter. But the ultimate test for any food is the taste test. So I pulled out some brown bread I had also bought from Walmart and smeared this abomination all over it.

    Buttered bread and chocolate milk. Two-thirds of the ideal post-run meal.

    Okay, it actually tasted very good. Tasted enough like butter that in a blind taste test I would have said it was butter. I have no illusions that it is butter or that I could use it in any recipe in lieu of butter, but it does have some value.

    So the whole thing was a failure but not a complete and total failure. Somewhere between “success” and “failure”. A “suck-ure”. From my past life as a molecular biologist, I know all about having experiments go tits up. The important thing is to go over what happened, do research, and try again with some tweaked variables.

    Here are some of my observations:

    • The heavy cream I used was ultra-pasteurized and contained polysorbate 80. Ultra-pasteurized cream is more difficult to separate than pasteurized cream. Polysorbate 80 is a powerful emulsifier that helps heavy cream stay as heavy cream at a wide range of temperatures and other stresses. So, you know, it basically exists in the cream to stop me from getting it to separate like I want.
    • I pulled the cream out of my fridge, shook it up for about 5 seconds, and poured it into the bag. I should have let it get somewhere between 60 and 65 degrees before starting my run.
    • I ran on only improved roads for the entire time, so my up-down and side-to-side movements were limited. I should mix in some trail running to get a good slosh going. Six miles should have been more than enough time, but I could stretch out to seven or eight next time.

    In summation, I was not able to create butter while running. Next time I try (which, I do not know when that will be) I will use a different kind of cream warmed to room temperature and run longer over a rougher trail. I also should have done three minutes of Google searching before I decided to try this. Now I need to go and clean up all this shit in my kitchen.