Gene Hikes the Appalachian Trail

Category: Uncategorized

  • High Rollin

    So I’m going to do a change of pace here and post something that has nothing to do with hiking or fitness or anything of the sort. It’s allowed; I can do that. I can talk about anything I want because this is my fucking blog. I can also swear casually.

    This past Saturday I went to my first MLS game, Austin FC versus the Houston Dynamo. I had never been to a game here in Austin despite the team existing since 2021 largely for two reasons. One, I feel like MLS is equivalent to third-tier European football, which is something I have never paid to watch either. Two, I have a long-standing, entirely one-sided feud with Austin FC’s principal owner Anthony Precourt.

    Precourt is the sort of billionaire asshole sports owner (BASO) that did everything he could to ruin the Columbus MLS franchise before finally getting an expansion team in Austin. Precourt also happens to be one of those private equity dudes who seems incapable of earning money except by sucking all of the joy out of all of the small things that little people like me enjoy.

    All of that said, if the Austin MLS team was an MLB or NFL team instead I’d happily support them. The sad truth is that every BASO is a douchebag. It’s just that if you are passionate enough about the team they own you’ll look the other way until they do something so bad even their fellow BASOs cannot justify it. Jerry Richardson was the founding owner of my beloved Carolina Panthers. He was a douchebag, the sort of douchebag who puts a giant statue of himself in front of the team’s stadium. That alone was not a fireable offense as a BASO. What was fireable was being a racist, sexist piece of shit.

    Who am I kidding? That alone is not enough. The problem is that Richardson was so racist and sexist that there had to be an investigation. The results of which were so bad they made him sell the team. That is how you get fired as a BASO. Donald Sterling was a known shit sandwich but didn’t get booted from the NBA until they caught him on tape being a racist cocksucker. As long as it wasn’t on tape there was enough plausible deniability to look the other way. Once everything became public record he became expendable. See also, Daniel Snyder.

    Boston Bruins owner Jeremy Jacobs has been a mean-spirited skinflint and outright spiteful to the very fans that feed his bottom line for as long as he has run the team, but he is still a proud BASO. The Bruins are my NHL team of choice because I am a hypocrite and follow Boston despite Jacobs while loathing Austin FC because of Precourt.

    Well anyway this post is not about why every BASO is a fundamentally bad person, it is about my trip to the game. I got a free ticket from a friend who has seats in an unlimited food and drinks section at picturesque Q2 Stadium. He has two season tickets to this area. He had one free ticket because someone else wasn’t able to go. Why? Don’t know, don’t care.

    Now I’ve known this guy since college and I knew he was doing well financially, but I did not know he was doing WELL, if you know what I mean. After graduation he moved to Austin to attend grad school at UT. He was living the life of a poor college student during this time.

    I remember when the Chicago Whie Sox (my team; don’t get me started on Jerry Reinsdorf’s qualifications as a BASO) faced the Houston Astros (his team; he grew up in Houston) in the 2005 World Series we made a friendly wager. I wanted to do $50 but he said that was too rich for him so we did $20 instead. Chicago swept that World Series and I used the $20 to buy a Pale Hose cap with the World Series logo. This was back when $20 could buy a nice fitted baseball cap that now costs about $45 and is sewn together by the lowest bidder that Fanatics can find. I still own that cap even though the bill is literally disintegrating. I swore I’d wear it until we make another World Series and I can replace it. Hopefully Murakami and Montgomery and the boys punch way above their weight soon.

    The point, though, is that he couldn’t put $50 on his favorite team twenty years ago and now he is tossing fistfuls of cash at cushy seats in a swanky stadium. He also lives in a nice house in a gated community in West Austin with an 80″ television. I’m happy for him, and he is now my “rich friend”.

    So we get to the stadium ninety minutes before kickoff because that is when the gates open. Outside they are giving away free cans of Dr Pepper Creamy Coconut, which tastes just like a liquid Mounds bar. First thing we do once we get inside is head for the unlimited food area. I had some street tacos with sumac onions and tahini sauce. Then I got a Karbach Love Street to wash it all down.

    Later on, still before kickoff, I had a smash patty burger with fries, and a serving of pita chips with a whipped feta dip.

    Come kickoff we head down to the seats which are so close to the pitch I am legitimately concerned that I may get hit by an errant free kick. We get to those seats while both two-fisting beers that we sucked down until halftime.

    one fistful of beer

    Second half included more food and beers and a piece of orange olive oil cake. I’d never heard of olive oil cake before that night but I wish I had because it tasted the same way everything else did. Awesomely awesome.

    Oh yeah, and the team actually won 2-0. And they shot like a million fireworks off. And then I went back to my decidedly non-glamorous life where the food and drink is nether “unlimited” nor “delicious” nor even “passably mediocre”. But for one night I got to live like a damn hell ass king thanks to my rich friend. I have not been converted into a fan of Austin FC or Anthony Precourt just yet, but enough more nights like Saturday may change that.

  • Shoal Creek Trail

    I threw on the backpack with 25 pounds in it and went for a round trip on Shoal Creek Trail. Shoal Creek Trail goes from water’s edge of Lady Bird Lake north to 38th Street. It runs roughly parallel to Lamar Blvd and is 3.75 miles each way, so a 7.5 mile round trip. I started from the 38th Street end, which is fairly close to a Spec’s liquor store. That Spec’s used to be a Randalls supermarket. I love HEB as much as any other Texan, but I also love Randalls and since this one and the one near Arboretum closed I can’t get my fix anywhere. Enough whining about retail stores though, let’s start the trail.

    The first sign you’ll encounter at 38th Street

    A short ways in (0.15 miles, give or take) I came upon Seiders Springs. The biggest features of that location are the Seiders Oaks. Below you will see a picture of one of them, just behind a sign reminding people not to have their dogs off leash. You see those signs everywhere on the trail. Or rather, I see them everywhere. Judging by the amount of dogs running around off leash that day I would assume all of these signs are invisible to dog owners.

    To the left of that dog sign is a green obelisk. These things are all over the trail as markers and tell you which way to continue to get to Lady Bird Lake. Except they all say “To Town Lake”. When Longhorn Dam was built on the Colorado River (not that Colorado River) in Austin, the lake it created was called Town Lake. In 2007 it was renamed to be Lady Bird Lake after the former first lady. Most native Austinites over 40 and/or people who moved here in the early 2000s still call it Town Lake and so do these obelisks.

    Back to Seiders Springs. It is named for Edward Seiders (pronounced “Cedars”) who moved to the area along with his friend Gideon White. He lived in the area and was a prominent businessman in the mid-1800s. It also happens to be the site of a particularly gruesome event in 1842. Gideon White was overtaken by Indians and killed on October 25. Later, White’s daughter would marry Edward Seiders.

    Moving south a short distance from there I found a rest area with benches and working water fountains. Can never have enough of either of those.

    At Lamar & 31st Street was the only confusing part of the trail. While most of the trail is its own thing, just before this intersection it merges with the bike lane on Shoal Creek Blvd. The turn at Lamar to go south doesn’t have any signage; you just sort of need to know that is where you go to pick up the trail again.

    South of 31st Street I walked past some really interesting outcroppings of rocks. I am no geologist, so I can’t tell if it is Del Rio Claystone or Buda Limestone or something else. I felt like Indiana Jones while I walked past it, so that’s good for something and I wanted to share it.

    At 29th Street there is some wooden exercise equipment. A set of pull-up bars, a waist high bar, and some benches for sit-ups. I had to bang out a dozen or so pull-ups because I’m so manly. Therefore I can proudly say that everything is nice and sturdy even though it might look old and dangerous.

    The next landmark on the trip southward was Pease Park. It is named so because the land was gifted to the city in 1875 by Elisah Pease, the fifth and thirteenth Governor of Texas. The interesting thing about his time in the Governor’s office is that his interregnum was only from 1857 to 1867. In that time there were seven different Governors. This was during the Civil War, so Texas was going through some shit. And going through Governors like shit through a goose.

    In Pease Park there is a memorial to victims of AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) with symbolic red flags that line the trail. Those flags are left by the trail and then moved out to line the Mile of Silence for the Hill Country Ride for AIDS, which happens to be this weekend.

    Anyway, Pease Park is everything you’d expect from a public park. Green, lots of stuff to do. Expansive, clean, working public toilets. And even more exercise equipment, metallic instead of wooden. Play areas for kids and water fountains shooting out of the ground. There is a cottage too and all sorts of stuff. Here is another gallery.

    At this point I was only 1.25 miles from the lake.

    Close enough to get a good shot of the tall buildings downtown.

    Your definition of “good shot” may not be the same as mine.

    The next interesting things were a skate park and a football field at House Park Plaza. I saw a few people hanging out and working on moves at the skate park. However I decided not to capture them in my picture, so now I’m not sure if anyone will believe me.

    House Park is a shared football field that lots of teams in AISD (Austin Independent School District) use. The Austin Sol ultimate frisbee team also play there. I used to be pretty good at ultimate frisbee. By which I mean I could throw a forehand and a backhand and the occasional hammer.

    Also, more tall buildings.

    From there to the water’s edge was a fairly straightforward walk. Because the trail goes right through the center of downtown most of the final mile is just walking alongside buildings. I did pass by a neighborhood garden and a wildflower meadow.

    Right as you reach the end there is the Central Library. The building is still fairly new and shiny. I miss the old library which was about a mile from the edge of the water. I loved it because it was a boxy building that looked the way a library should. This new Central Library is a happening place where people go to vibe and hang out. I prefer a library where you go to check out books and avoid eye contact with one another.

    The central library. This does not spark joy.

    And from there only a few hundred feet to Lady Bird Lake. I don’t know if the person in my picture was able to catch any fish.

    There is a plaque at the end, in case you can’t figure it out from the fact that there is a giant ass lake there.

    The trip back to 38th Street was fairly uneventful. I admit that I was physically and mentally spent, and once I got back home I did nothing but watch baseball in the dark. I do want to call out that there is a sign at 31st Street going north that tells you exactly where to go, so the issue I mentioned earlier is exclusively a southbound problem.

    I also wanted to call out the fact that there are quite a few underpasses along the Shoal Creek Trail. Only one of them actually has lights, and that was the one at West Sixth Street.

    It is pretty easy to find yourself in a bad situation at night in a big city so I would think more underpasses should be lit. It shouldn’t cost that much, right? Unless all the data centers need that power so the AI in my toaster can cook my bagel to the exact right color.

    Here at the end I’m going to include various pictures I took during the trail that show the water level of the creek. I don’t know why, but most people I talk with are obsessed with what the water level of any body of water is at any particular time. If you are one of those people, then this last collage is for you. You’re welcome.

  • Churning And Burning

    By this point, there is a good to great chance you have seen one of the viral TikTok videos about making butter while you run. There are quite a few out there by now, but I believe this one here is the O.G.

    @momcallsmebirdy

    Churn🧈 and burn 🔥 baby!!! We woke up yesterday and wondered “can you churn butter and run at the same time?” Well, there you have it! Is this an original experience asking for a friend. #churningbutter #farmlife #runningwhilemakingbutter #trailrunning

    ♬ suara asli – Gado-Gado Semesta (Gagas) – Visnarey

    The science behind why this should work is fairly simple. Milk is an emulsion of fats in water. Since fats and water are famous for not getting along well, it is easy to agitate the mixture enough to separate the fat from the water. The up-down and side-to-side motion of running a good distance can be used to do just that. Pour some heavy cream into a bag. Run long enough to agitate the bag sufficiently. Separate the fatty part (butter) from the watery part (buttermilk). Profit.

    With that in mind I bought some heavy whipping cream from Walmart.This shit cost me $2.96 for a pint. That comes out to $23.68 for a gallon. With prices like that I’m surprised no one is blocking a strait or something to control the supply.

    I poured the cream into a one-gallon storage bag and then put that bag into another bag. Got to double bag it to prevent any little accidents from running around nine months from now. No salt added to the bag because I prefer unsalted butter. If you disagree, you can add 1/4 to 1/2 tsp of salt either at this step or after the run.

    Me trying so hard not to make the obvious jokes about filling a bag with my delicious cream.

    I slipped that bag into the back of my hydration carrier and took off. I went for a six mile jaunt around town. Once I got back I checked out the results of my exertion.

    It is tough to tell from the picture, but my results were less than stellar. What I found was something definitely solid, but not very solid. There also was essentially no separation and no liquid phase. Whatever I had made was not cream anymore, but was also not butter. I scooped it into an 8 oz container and pondered what had transpired.

    This looks like whipped cream instead of butter. But the ultimate test for any food is the taste test. So I pulled out some brown bread I had also bought from Walmart and smeared this abomination all over it.

    Buttered bread and chocolate milk. Two-thirds of the ideal post-run meal.

    Okay, it actually tasted very good. Tasted enough like butter that in a blind taste test I would have said it was butter. I have no illusions that it is butter or that I could use it in any recipe in lieu of butter, but it does have some value.

    So the whole thing was a failure but not a complete and total failure. Somewhere between “success” and “failure”. A “suck-ure”. From my past life as a molecular biologist, I know all about having experiments go tits up. The important thing is to go over what happened, do research, and try again with some tweaked variables.

    Here are some of my observations:

    • The heavy cream I used was ultra-pasteurized and contained polysorbate 80. Ultra-pasteurized cream is more difficult to separate than pasteurized cream. Polysorbate 80 is a powerful emulsifier that helps heavy cream stay as heavy cream at a wide range of temperatures and other stresses. So, you know, it basically exists in the cream to stop me from getting it to separate like I want.
    • I pulled the cream out of my fridge, shook it up for about 5 seconds, and poured it into the bag. I should have let it get somewhere between 60 and 65 degrees before starting my run.
    • I ran on only improved roads for the entire time, so my up-down and side-to-side movements were limited. I should mix in some trail running to get a good slosh going. Six miles should have been more than enough time, but I could stretch out to seven or eight next time.

    In summation, I was not able to create butter while running. Next time I try (which, I do not know when that will be) I will use a different kind of cream warmed to room temperature and run longer over a rougher trail. I also should have done three minutes of Google searching before I decided to try this. Now I need to go and clean up all this shit in my kitchen.

  • Swedish Ladder Appreciation Post

    There are quite a few outdoor gym setups all over the Austin area. Most of them have these contraptions that look like monkey bars standing erect. I never really gave any thought to what they were for until relatively recently someone I know called one a “Swedish ladder” and said they were great for stretching. Here are a couple of pictures of ladders in their natural habitat.

    I decided to look into these things a little more closely and since then I have incorporated Swedish ladders into my outdoor workout routine. I’m going to talk them up here so you might consider doing so as well.

    Swedish ladders (also called “stall bars” or “wall bars”) are exactly what they look like. They are a wide ladder with rungs up to a couple feet apart. They can optionally have a pull-up bar on top, like in the picture on the left above. They were created early in the nineteenth century by the Swedish (hence the name) “Father of Physical Therapy”, Pehr Henrik Ling. He has an interesting story that I’m not going to recap here, but I can link to his Wikipedia page and save you a Google search.

    The best exercises to do on a Swedish ladder are stretching exercises. You can grab a rung above your head and squat down to get a good stretch through your upper body. You can achieve a similar stretch by grabbing a lower rung and getting down on your knees.

    Another thing at which Swedish ladders excel is static strength moves. Obviously you can do dead hangs from the pull-up bar, but you can also do front or rear support holds. A support hold is where you simply grab a rung just above your waist height and hold yourself up in a straight position off the ground. My favorite exercises are inverted rows and decline push-ups with my feet on the rungs.

    For those of you who are visual learners and those of you who think I do a lousy job of describing exercises with words, here are two very good YouTube videos that show many different exercises being done with proper form. The first one is from VAHVA Fitness, who also have a great write-up on their website.

    Keep an eye out for Swedish ladders the next time you are at a park or a fancy gym. I encourage you to add them to your workout regime if you find them. Even better if you can pair them with rings or resistance bands.